Be Empowered and Independent (Because Men Find it Attractive), Thoughts on 'Why Men Love Bitches'

Behind every ‘high-value woman’ is an impossible amount of catering, emotional labor and manipulation.

Every six months on TikTok, the same three advice books are recommended: The infamous How to Win Friends and Influence People, the inexplicably popular Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches. None of these books are life-changing — from Carnegie, you may learn to inject your discussant's name into every sentence, and from Harvey, you'll discern that sex on demand is the only way to keep a man — but Argov stands out as the most insidious, her promise of empowerment undercut by an emphasis that a woman's worth is really contingent on male approval.

Part One: Be a Bitch, Put Yourself First — But Only if Men Love It

“Bitches” are told to put themselves first in Argov’s 2002 book — but only if it makes them more desirable to men. Marketed as a no-nonsense guide to gain a man’s love and respect with “far less effort,” the book provides 100 rules rooted in detachment and calculation. Argov advises women to be independent, aloof and mysterious, insisting men are more attracted to a “mental challenge” — her definition of a "bitch." Argov's "bitch" is empowered, a strong woman who knows her worth and doesn’t compromise herself or her life. The book’s promise of empowerment, though, is ultimately a reinforcement of gender roles under the guise of tongue-in-cheek humor, with a woman’s worth determined by her ability to cater to men.

Women need emotional manipulation to maintain male interest, while men remain simple and unchanging, in need of subtle management. The "bitch" is not really a fully-formed, autonomous individual, she is a perpetual performance tailored to a man’s need to be the "alpha-dog."  In the book, a woman’s value lies in her malleableness — how well she can compartmentalize herself to fit the emotional and psychological needs of her partner — not in her "confidence, freedom, and empowerment." Though Why Men Love Bitches may claim to empower women, it instead reaffirms traditional gender roles by encouraging women to center male approval and cater to fragile masculinity.

Part Two: Don't Be Nice, Don't Seem Invested — and Definitely Don't Nag

Why Men Love Bitches puts forth the idea that success in love is not about appearance, it's about attitude, the recurring theme throughout being the dichotomy between two types of women: the "nice girl" and the "bitch." The “nice girl” is undesirable, she overcompensates, nags and sacrifices her own needs to appease men while the "bitch" is aspirational, a dream girl desired for her independence and self-respect. Men, according to the book, are innately driven by their ego, a desire for the aforementioned "mental challenge," thus being drawn to women who are self-sufficient and don’t seem to be needy. Argov suggests that the more emotionally or physically invested a woman becomes, the less a man will value her and that by adopting the "bitch" persona, control is given back to the woman.

Part Three: You Can, Maybe, One Day Be Respected — Let's Tuck Those Pesky Feelings Away

The burden of emotional labor is ultimately placed on women, requiring them to simultaneously manage their own feelings and their partner’s ego. Argov frames emotional self-control as a means for women to gain power in relationships, her assertion that "Emotional Self-Control = Control over How You Are Treated and Control over Whether You Are Respected" implies that a woman’s deftness at regulating emotions is directly tied to the respect she is afforded. Emotional labor is a gendered obligation, not a shared responsibility, reinforcing the book’s pervasive notion that women’s value lies in their ability to conceal vulnerability. In a more manipulative version of emotional labor, women are also advised to preserve a man’s ego unbeknownst to him and to unquestionably "let him be right." Men in the book are helpless; any emotional language, or "girlie babble," from their partner only able to "confuse and frustrate" them. Argov claims men "may not know any better," both infantilizing them and absolving them of responsibility. Instead of fostering a reciprocal relationship of accountability, Argov’s rules encourage women to accommodate for male immaturity.

Part Four: You Can Do Anything — When He Benefits

Though the book encourages female empowerment and independence, it does so because men find those qualities attractive. This contradiction is exemplified by Argov stating "Instead of working so hard to please him, work harder to please yourself … because ultimately, this is what will truly please him," implying that a woman’s self worth should rely on her appeal to men. Autonomy is lost in Attraction Principle #7, "Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer," suggesting that women should present themselves as objects. A woman’s worth is not inherent, either, it’s performative and lies on if she can convince others to desire her. This dynamic, portraying men as active hunters and women as passive recipients of validation, is a reflection of the traditional gender hierarchy and subsequent power imbalance that gives men the authority to dictate worth. Argov reinstates this further, claiming that "if he is treating you like you are his dreamgirl, you have all the power you need.". Her assertion indicates that a woman’s power only exists when a man perceives her as worthy, granted by male desire instead of cultivated independently. A pseudo-acknowledgement of feminine strength follows this — "Men control the world, but women control the men" — creating a false sense of empowerment that only extends to control over a man while neglecting female autonomy.

Part Five: To Have and To Hold — Him and His Ego

Why Men Love Bitches portrays masculinity and male ego as delicate, as something a woman needs to cater to, validate and protect if she wants to remain in a relationship. Argov encourages women to assume this transactional role, stating "ego is the reason [men] fall in love." To coddle the ego and avoid threatening any sense of masculine authority, Argov also insists that everything should be framed as the man’s idea by following Attraction Principle #32 — to "let him think he’s in control." This dynamic, with women once again needing to engage in subtle manipulation, suggests that male authority is an illusion built on constant female support. It reinforces that the male ego is inherently fragile, something requiring the continuous assertion "that he is the 'man'." Women are urged to prioritize a man’s ego, his need to "feel like the chief,", something which both upholds the traditional gender hierarchy and frames male fragility as a problem women are responsible for.

Part Six: Congratulations, You Are Officially Empowered — Just Check He Approves

While Why Men Love Bitches markets itself as a gateway to female empowerment in the dating scene, it instead reinforces traditional gender roles by making female worth dictated by male approval. Rather than promoting equality, Argov frames relationships as a game where women’s control is maintained through her desirability. Through this, Why Men Love Bitches upholds harmful power dynamics that reduce women to their aptitude for catering to men.